green T - Last night I barely slept

2nd February 2012

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Last night I barely slept

it was like my brain wanted to go through every memory I had and I couldn’t stop thinking about everything in a really deep, annoying way. I was like that pretty much all day yesterday. I got really sad last night as I was thinking about how much I care about and love certain people in my life and some of them probably have no idea. A few of them do, if they really know me, but I’m afraid I have some kind of emotional disorder that causes me to not express my feelings. Probably stemming from my awkward family life growing up where I learned to keep things in for the sake of embarrassment, among other reasons. Anyways I think I just don’t express love to the people I feel it towards in a way that they understand. I had to read this book before I got married called the 5 love languages and I thought it was gonna be lame but it was actually pretty interesting. Its about how everyone speaks one or 2 of the languages primarily and that is the way that they communicate love and they feel the most loved when shown it through their primary languages. Its not just for romantic love either, It helped me understand a lot about people in my life. The five languages are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts. My #1 was Quality Time I think or Acts of Service, they might have been tied. But I think Kara’s is receiving gifts and I think Laura’s is words of affirmation. Jon’s is physical touch. I think my moms are the same as mine. I can’t figure out what my sister’s is…which is strange but not surprising, we have such an awkward relationship. I hope she grows out of whatever stage she’s going through soon. She was pretty mean at my wedding.

I have a feeling this is going to turn into a journal for me because it is the only thing I know I can keep completely private. That is one thing that is the hardest for me to get used to in marriage….the lack of privacy.